[Artemis closes her eyes and when she opens them, she's not in M'gann's room any more. She standing in a strangely lit space, almost exactly like trip into M'gann's mind in Bialya. Maybe it's just the power of suggestion, but it's similar enough that she glances to the side, half expecting to see Wally and Robin there with her.
Her hand flexes at her side, empty.]
So... this is inside my mind? I thought there'd be more stuff.
[ The levels of empathy are much stronger in here, and it's not hard to tell who she might be missing- but it doesn't mean she's going to point it out. Artemis had been the most resistant in their previous mind-meeting, after all. ]
Well, it can be. I think you're kind of keeping it clear because you're subconsciously expecting it to be like you remember my mind being. But .. This is your mind. You can dream up whatever you like.
[ She'll come closer though, almost near enough to reach out and touch. She doesn't. ]
You're going to have to ... bring up the memory of what you want to remember. I- I can go looking for it, but I figure it might be easier if you bring it to us.
[Almost immediately when M'gann suggests Artemis's subconscious is matching her memories from Bialya the colors change subtly, becoming greener. Darker. And somehow indefinably pointy. Images and memories flicker, almost too quickly to catch, as Artemis's mind tries to settle on what she needs.
Of course, all she can think of right now are things she's not supposed to remember. Things she doesn't want to remember. Sportsmaster's voice calling her "baby girl," Cheshire's mocking laugh and grinning mask, her mom in an orange jumpsuit when they wheeled her away--
No. Not now. She doesn't need to hide any more but not now.
The team, gathered around the computer screens with her family's mugshots on display. Wally's weight against shoulder. In her memory, M'gann steps forward--]
Stop!
[She's shouting at herself and it works. The memory flickers out.
She's tempted to tell M'gann that they're done. This was what she'd been afraid of in Bialya. Let someone in and suddenly secrets are leaking out all over the place. For all her secrets, Artemis can barely tell a decent lie in real life, much less in her own head.
But she needs to remember.]
Okay. Okay, I can do this.
[Despite her words, she looks to M'gann, seeking reassurance.]
[ It's difficult, she'll admit, to keep her own mind from wandering into the memory that's coming forth. But with Artemis clearly on the defensive, struggling to send the memory packing ... Well. She'll have a little help, with M'gann mentally shoving the imagery back without a word.
However curious ... It wasn't her call. But as it does flicker out, she steps closer to the other girl, reaching out a gentle hand to try and take hold. Hand holding is okay between friends, yo. ]
If you want ... If you bring the memories here, I can sense which ones you don't want, and push them back. They won't be hidden, or anything! Not permanently. Just while I'm in here.
[M'gann's hand is comforting. It feels cool and smooth and real, even though Artemis knows they're inside her own head.]
It's okay, I... I think I've got this.
[She closes her eyes--which is silly, because again, they're inside her own head, but it still helps. When she opens them again, they're in her room here in Heropa, though outside the windows green shapes still flicker: Red Arrow wearing white, Green Arrow laughing on TV, a poster of Alice in Wonderland...]
Yeah, this is it. I was in my room and this kid got on the network, talking about the Justice League and you. I asked him about it and that's how I found out. He was so surprised I was alive... He said he was from 2016. I'll be twenty years old in 2016.
I asked Bart and he said it was true. That... that everyone misses me. And Wally visits my mom every week.
[ Though it's a little confusing to suddenly be back in the rooms in Heropa, seeing everything out the window, hearing what Artemis has to say... It's clear they've found the memory needed.
A kid on the network, asking about- her? The Justice League. Asked about the future, surprised and shocked. Only five years from now. She'd be twenty. Confirmation sought, and Bart had confirmed it. She's missed, Wally visits her mother and all of this is something she has to remember, has to not forget when she goes home.
So she digs her mental claws into the edges of the memory, ties them into little knots and digs them into her friend's psyche. Not something she'd feel- not as painful, at least. But triggered and repeated and hidden away in a multitude of nooks and crannies, sanctioned away in pieces and stored in an airtight vault. Broken apart and reformed a dozen times and left as a near-permanent memory. One that would be burned into her mind and easily brought forth when needed.
Of course, an added haze was given. Something that would strip away upon returning home. ... Or at least it should. Something to dull the memory to something normal here, but leave it visceral and raw when she returned home.
It wasn't perfect, but it was something. ]
... If you're sent home, you should remember, now.
[Artemis doesn't feel any different. Maybe there's a moment of an idea of... fingers. Fingers in her brain. But it passes quickly. She'll just have to trust M'gann that it's done.]
There's one more thing.
[She doesn't want to say this part out loud, not to M'gann. So she just closes her eyes and thinks as hard as she can.]
Kaldur.
[Quickfire images flash by--Kaldur tossing her into the air in maneuver seven, Kaldur on the beach in Hawaii talking about his father, Kaldur still and dry in the desert, Kaldur's disappointed look after the mission in Louisiana.
[ It's a bout of curiosity as Artemis pushes it further, brings forth new memories that she hadn't been aware of- not that she couldn't lock these away for safe keeping too, but ... The wave of longing for their missing teammate is almost palpable between the two of them as the images flash by. Their memories of him and ... Apparently what he'll one day do.
The shock of it will be as painful to Artemis as it is for M'gann, her mind blanketing over the other girl's for the briefest of moments as she comes to realize just what it is that's being shared. Kaldur would do it; Kaldur would kill Artemis one day. But he couldn't, he was their friend, their Teammate. Their family.
She has to close her own eyes, hands on either side of her head to reel back the turmoil she'd just unloaded into the girl's mind, images flashing at lightning speed, a deafening whine in the air and then, just like that, it's gone. As quickly as she's begun combing those mental fingers through the memory like she's on auto, tacking it down and giving it the same attention she'd given the previous one. ]
[Artemis cries out, clutching her own head as everything she's felt since hearing about her apparent fate is doubled. Hurt, shock, betrayal, fear, loneliness, and anxiety are all mirrored back at her, strengthened by M'gann's own reactions. She can grit her teeth and power through physical injuries without making a sound, but emotions are harder and they're well past the bravado that functions as Artemis's sole psychic defense. She's not used to this kind of thing and it's overwhelming.
Then it's gone, leaving only the constant dull ache of her own feelings.
She doesn't respond right away to M'gann's apology, still trying to sort things out. When she does, her voice is raspy.]
[ Because she's almost done, almost finished searing the memory for safe keeping. But her hands shake as she brings them down, closing her eyes once more and with a single breath, they're out. Artemis will feel release from the surrounding false-heat of telepathy, will feel the fabric beneath her legs and the breeze from the window in her hair, against her skin. ]
I-I'm sorry, Artemis, I didn't .. I wasn't expecting it.
[Artemis feels something wet on her cheek and touches her face. There are tears there, even though she's not crying now. She wipes them away. Her heart is still fluttering anxiously in her chest, but the sensation of the bed beneath her and the warm air from the window is helping to bring her back to herself.]
[ It's ... strange, seeing Artemis cry. Not because she hasn't seen it before- she has. But because it was her fault. At least, a part of it was. So she doesn't comment, doesn't try to help soothe the ache, however dulled it is now.
She doesn't, however, move away from her knee-to-knee position next to her. ]
... Just because it's something they think they know, doesn't mean it's true, you know. Maybe their memories were fabricated, too. There has to be more to it than that. He wouldn't do something like that, Artemis.
Yeah. [She breathes heavily.] Yeah, that's what Robin says. Wally... Wally just says he's gonna stop it somehow. [Her expression turns wry.] Pretty sure Conner knows, too. He took me out to punch stuff.
[She flexes her fingers.]
I don't know. I wish I could trust-- [Too much. Trust is a scary topic, too fragile. More fragile than she thinks her teammates realize. Better rein it in, play it safe.] People change.
[The people closest to you are the ones who will hurt you the most. She was an idiot to think the team was an exception to that rule.]
I just wish he was here. To defend himself. Or to tell me WHY.
[Her voice raises and cracks on the last note, slightly hysterical. She's done well with keeping the fear at bay lately, but what just happened with M'gann was too immediate, too raw.]
I mean, what did I do?! What did I do to deserve that?
[ It's as painful to watch as she imagines Artemis might feel. Or maybe that's just the empathy she feels, emanating off the girl in telepathic waves. She's so scared, so hurt and upset and it breaks M'gann's heart to see it. To hear it in her voice, to feel it. She wishes she could fix it.
But ... Maybe she can. ]
I ... might be able to find out.
[ And her sorrowed look is gone. Because this is important; beyond important. She could look into Bart's mind (maybe even Garfield's, though the idea of asking first is much stronger there, but no one needs to know that). She could look into his memories, see what the future holds, see what happens. Maybe she can find out why it did, find a way to stop it before it ever happens. ]
[As much as Artemis wants answers, she's still dubious. M'gann is her friend--one of her best friends, if she's being honest--but the power that M'gann has at her fingertips... it's scary.]
[ Scary would be a good word for it. But only when she's putting it to the wrong use. Protecting a friend seems like a very good use, if you ask her. ]
I mean I can find out- even if just to know what happened. Maybe I can see something they didn't. Bart- I mean. People from 2016.
[ She won't mention Garfield, though he was clearly on the table. ]
Like... go into their brain? See what actually happened?
[Even more dubious now. It was hard enough letting M'gann in to do her telepathic jazz for a good cause. Artemis has enough empathy in her to realize that might be completely disastrous for someone who isn't volunteering.
... But she wants to know. What will Kaldur do? What will she do? Maybe there's some kind of explanation... There has to be. So far, Artemis has considered that Kaldur is being controlled, like Roy was. Anything else... well, it hurts too much to consider but at the same time it's all she can think about.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Her hand flexes at her side, empty.]
So... this is inside my mind? I thought there'd be more stuff.
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Well, it can be. I think you're kind of keeping it clear because you're subconsciously expecting it to be like you remember my mind being. But .. This is your mind. You can dream up whatever you like.
[ She'll come closer though, almost near enough to reach out and touch. She doesn't. ]
You're going to have to ... bring up the memory of what you want to remember. I- I can go looking for it, but I figure it might be easier if you bring it to us.
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Of course, all she can think of right now are things she's not supposed to remember. Things she doesn't want to remember. Sportsmaster's voice calling her "baby girl," Cheshire's mocking laugh and grinning mask, her mom in an orange jumpsuit when they wheeled her away--
No. Not now. She doesn't need to hide any more but not now.
The team, gathered around the computer screens with her family's mugshots on display. Wally's weight against shoulder. In her memory, M'gann steps forward--]
Stop!
[She's shouting at herself and it works. The memory flickers out.
She's tempted to tell M'gann that they're done. This was what she'd been afraid of in Bialya. Let someone in and suddenly secrets are leaking out all over the place. For all her secrets, Artemis can barely tell a decent lie in real life, much less in her own head.
But she needs to remember.]
Okay. Okay, I can do this.
[Despite her words, she looks to M'gann, seeking reassurance.]
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However curious ... It wasn't her call. But as it does flicker out, she steps closer to the other girl, reaching out a gentle hand to try and take hold. Hand holding is okay between friends, yo. ]
If you want ... If you bring the memories here, I can sense which ones you don't want, and push them back. They won't be hidden, or anything! Not permanently. Just while I'm in here.
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It's okay, I... I think I've got this.
[She closes her eyes--which is silly, because again, they're inside her own head, but it still helps. When she opens them again, they're in her room here in Heropa, though outside the windows green shapes still flicker: Red Arrow wearing white, Green Arrow laughing on TV, a poster of Alice in Wonderland...]
Yeah, this is it. I was in my room and this kid got on the network, talking about the Justice League and you. I asked him about it and that's how I found out. He was so surprised I was alive... He said he was from 2016. I'll be twenty years old in 2016.
I asked Bart and he said it was true. That... that everyone misses me. And Wally visits my mom every week.
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A kid on the network, asking about- her? The Justice League. Asked about the future, surprised and shocked. Only five years from now. She'd be twenty. Confirmation sought, and Bart had confirmed it. She's missed, Wally visits her mother and all of this is something she has to remember, has to not forget when she goes home.
So she digs her mental claws into the edges of the memory, ties them into little knots and digs them into her friend's psyche. Not something she'd feel- not as painful, at least. But triggered and repeated and hidden away in a multitude of nooks and crannies, sanctioned away in pieces and stored in an airtight vault. Broken apart and reformed a dozen times and left as a near-permanent memory. One that would be burned into her mind and easily brought forth when needed.
Of course, an added haze was given. Something that would strip away upon returning home. ... Or at least it should. Something to dull the memory to something normal here, but leave it visceral and raw when she returned home.
It wasn't perfect, but it was something. ]
... If you're sent home, you should remember, now.
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There's one more thing.
[She doesn't want to say this part out loud, not to M'gann. So she just closes her eyes and thinks as hard as she can.]
Kaldur.
[Quickfire images flash by--Kaldur tossing her into the air in maneuver seven, Kaldur on the beach in Hawaii talking about his father, Kaldur still and dry in the desert, Kaldur's disappointed look after the mission in Louisiana.
Kaldur is going to kill her.]
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The shock of it will be as painful to Artemis as it is for M'gann, her mind blanketing over the other girl's for the briefest of moments as she comes to realize just what it is that's being shared. Kaldur would do it; Kaldur would kill Artemis one day. But he couldn't, he was their friend, their Teammate. Their family.
She has to close her own eyes, hands on either side of her head to reel back the turmoil she'd just unloaded into the girl's mind, images flashing at lightning speed, a deafening whine in the air and then, just like that, it's gone. As quickly as she's begun combing those mental fingers through the memory like she's on auto, tacking it down and giving it the same attention she'd given the previous one. ]
S-Sorry.
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Then it's gone, leaving only the constant dull ache of her own feelings.
She doesn't respond right away to M'gann's apology, still trying to sort things out. When she does, her voice is raspy.]
Are we done? Can we get out of my head?
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[ Because she's almost done, almost finished searing the memory for safe keeping. But her hands shake as she brings them down, closing her eyes once more and with a single breath, they're out. Artemis will feel release from the surrounding false-heat of telepathy, will feel the fabric beneath her legs and the breeze from the window in her hair, against her skin. ]
I-I'm sorry, Artemis, I didn't .. I wasn't expecting it.
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Yeah... I don't think anybody was.
[She can't meet M'gann's eye.]
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She doesn't, however, move away from her knee-to-knee position next to her. ]
... Just because it's something they think they know, doesn't mean it's true, you know. Maybe their memories were fabricated, too. There has to be more to it than that. He wouldn't do something like that, Artemis.
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[She flexes her fingers.]
I don't know. I wish I could trust-- [Too much. Trust is a scary topic, too fragile. More fragile than she thinks her teammates realize. Better rein it in, play it safe.] People change.
[The people closest to you are the ones who will hurt you the most. She was an idiot to think the team was an exception to that rule.]
I just wish he was here. To defend himself. Or to tell me WHY.
[Her voice raises and cracks on the last note, slightly hysterical. She's done well with keeping the fear at bay lately, but what just happened with M'gann was too immediate, too raw.]
I mean, what did I do?! What did I do to deserve that?
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But ... Maybe she can. ]
I ... might be able to find out.
[ And her sorrowed look is gone. Because this is important; beyond important. She could look into Bart's mind (maybe even Garfield's, though the idea of asking first is much stronger there, but no one needs to know that). She could look into his memories, see what the future holds, see what happens. Maybe she can find out why it did, find a way to stop it before it ever happens. ]
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... What do you mean?
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I mean I can find out- even if just to know what happened. Maybe I can see something they didn't. Bart- I mean. People from 2016.
[ She won't mention Garfield, though he was clearly on the table. ]
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[Even more dubious now. It was hard enough letting M'gann in to do her telepathic jazz for a good cause. Artemis has enough empathy in her to realize that might be completely disastrous for someone who isn't volunteering.
... But she wants to know. What will Kaldur do? What will she do? Maybe there's some kind of explanation... There has to be. So far, Artemis has considered that Kaldur is being controlled, like Roy was. Anything else... well, it hurts too much to consider but at the same time it's all she can think about.]
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Kind of what we did here. Reading someone's mind is a lot easier, even.
[ It's like hearing someone speak. And, you know. Digging around for past memories; even recent ones. ]
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[This was... kind of terrible, even though she knows M'gann was doing her best.]
... Okay. If you think it will help.
[She's just going to go ahead and assume M'gann would be asking permission, then. It's M'gann, after all. It'll be fine.]
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[She fidgets with the ends of her ponytail, tugging it in a self-soothing gesture.]
Who knows, maybe I'm the one who goes evil and he's just...
[That was supposed to be a kind of dark joke, but she can't even finish it.]